Comedy Centerfold: Shawn Mayer

Welcome to Comedy Centerfold, where we feature a Dallas Comedy House (DCH) performer and get to know him or her a little better by using questions that Playboy centerfolds are usually asked.

Shawn Mayer once took a golf lesson and scored a screenplay deal out of it. Shawn Mayer once banned bacon from the the Vatican. Shawn Mayer once hid under a table and listened to Churchill sing the blues. You may not know these things about it him, and they're all true. He told me so while we drank iced chai tea at a Seattle-based cafe. He's a man of the world and of the people. He's a great artist who captures emotions well. And you can see him perform in three troupes: Dad's Lap, Sunglow, and Wiki Tiki Tabby. He also irregularly performs in an impromptu one-man show called Corner Prov that no one has ever seen, but definitely exists despite its absence from the Dallas Comedy House schedule. It's totally real. 

Hometown?
I tell people Kansas City, Missouri, but really it's Blue Springs, Missouri, which is a suburb of Kansas City, Missouri, but on the far eastern edge, so it's not technically Kansas City, Missouri, but basically it is. 

Guilty Pleasures?
I feel guilty about everything, and I don't take pleasure in any of it. That makes it hard to get out of bed in the morning, but it makes sleeping a lot easier.

Ambitions?
I wanna be one of those guys who buys an old school bus and turns it into one of those tiny homes out in the woods away from where the student loan people can find me. 

Best Concert?
I once played Robert Russell Bennett's symphonic arrangement of "Victory at Sea" in band during undergrad. I also played Schubert's "Der Hirt auf dem Felsen" for my senior recital. I messed up a lot, but I was really nervous. It's a really pretty piece, but don't take my word for it. I didn't sing it. I arranged it for clarinet and euphonium. 

Favorite Book?
I'm always in love with the last book I read. The last one I read was The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents by Terry Pratchett.

“Because some stories end, but old stories go on, and you gotta dance to the music if you want to stay ahead.” 

Favorite Movie?
It changes all the time, but right now I keep revisiting Playtime by Jacques Tati. I don't think another film has ever had as much influence on me.

Favorite TV Show?
Home Movies. If you don't love that show, I have a hard time trusting you as a human being. That's not true, but it sort of is.

Pets?
I'm for them. 

Foods I Crave?
I'm a human garbage disposal. 

People I Admire?
I have a soap box for this one but I'll keep it brief. I admire people who are capable of admiring others who they completely disagree with. Sometimes I feel like we forget we can say "Yes, and" to people off the stage as well as on.  

Dream Role?
Has anyone ever played themselves in the dramatization of their own life? Cuz that would be awesome. I want to play me in the movie about me. We'll call it Shawn: A Story Untold... Maybe I could get Charlie Kaufman to write it.

Favorite Song to Sing?
"Mr. Blue Sky" by E.L.O. If you ever need to feel better, sing that song. I'm a doctor. I know these things. Yep.

Good First Date Idea?
To never have one. Dates terrify me. An intimate connection with another human being is the scariest thing on the face of the planet. What if they hate you because you're dumb and  stupid and you don't know how to react and they never talk to you and ... nothing scares me more than broken relationships. That's selfish. Don't care. Just hide in your room and watch old episodes of Diana Rigg run on The Avengers. Or pick up quilting. Quilting's nice. Like they have quilts in museums now. It's like contemporary art or something. Do quilting. Be alone and quilt. Or don't. Live your life. Don't listen to me. Oh God...Oh God. *heavy breathing*