"Six Eats for Your Comedy Appetite" by Jason Hensel

That comedy on stage is making you hungry. Time to order some food. With so many good options, it’s hard to decide what to pick. Here are some suggestions.

Popcorn
Pros: The perfect theater food. It’s light. It’s inexpensive. It hardly makes a sound when you chew it (with your mouth closed, you heathen). Cons: You always grab more than can fit in your hand and half of it falls on the ground.

Tortilla Chips
Pros: Their only purpose in life is to be queso (or salsa or guacamole, if you’re nasty) vessels, just like humans. Cons: Hard to eat them quietly in a timely manner. Tortilla dust.

Quesadilla
Pros: The quiet Tex-Mex food. Full of cheese. Can add steak or chicken to it. Cons: If you’re with someone else, you’ll be asked to share or offer a bite. Don’t. This cheesy goodness is all yours. Make your date or friend order his or her own.  

Wrap
Pros: The sandwich of the Southwest. A step above the pedestrian bread slice. Can save the other half for lunch tomorrow. Cons: Loose wrapping. But then it becomes a salad; so pro, fewer carbs!

Sandwich
Pros: Classic. Food of the people. Not uppity like wraps. Always there for you in a pinch. Cons: You’ll be forced to categorize your friends into those who slice diagonally versus those who slice horizontally.

Queso
Pros: Fulfilling. Magical. Life-changing. Will hold your hand when you're sad. Cons: There are no cons with queso.

Guess what. Yeah, that’s right. The Dallas Comedy House offers a food menu featuring all of these items and more. Bon appetit!  

Jason Hensel is a graduate of the DCH improv training program and performs with .f.a.c.e. and the ’95 Bulls.