by Sarah Mowery Tonight marks the beginning of the 5th Annual Dallas Comedy Festival, where comedy geniuses come from near and far to grace the DCH stage with their beautiful faces and dirty mouths. If you want to play a fun game, go check out this year's standup roster. Go ahead, I'll set the mood for you.
One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong. Can you tell me which thing is not like the others by the time I finis -- OK yeah, so that's a 9 year old.
Ladies and gentlemen, meet Saffy Herndon, the standup prodigy taking Dallas by storm. After doing some serious YouTube stalking, I can confirm that this girl is freakin' sick. I'm sorry, it's just, it's true. I had expectations of an adorable kid on a stage making me force laughs because "aw, that's cute," or, even worse, "poor girl has no idea what she's gotten herself into," but what I saw instead was a brave, spunky lady who can get a crowd going like she's been doing it for 20 years.
She hasn't, but you know who has? Me. Well, I haven't been doing standup for any years, but I have been doing the life thing for a couple of decades now and suddenly I find myself seriously reevaluating my priorities.
I mean, this girl is so cool and so adventurous that she had the balls to jump on stage and tell jokes in front of an audience as a third grader.
All this badassery led me to ask myself: What was I doing when I was 9? The short answer: standing in the buffet line at CiCi's Pizza. But between slices of chocolate chip dessert "pizza" I did a lot more average-ing that now makes me feel *just a little* inadequate in the shadow of miniature Sarah Silverman over here.
Saffy's already stacked her resume with enough conversation starters to last her through her first frat party ("Yeah, I pretty much pioneered the race-based communion food joke genre when I was 8, it's no big deal."). But, in case there's any doubt left in your mind about just how extraordinary this chick is, here's a list of what I was doing at her age. You know, the stuff that really got me where I am today.
- Making oobleck. Oobleck is a non-Newtonian fluid (a term I learned upon googling "oobleck") made of the perfect mixture of water and corn starch. You dye it green. It's fun, I swear.
- Practicing my impression of Stitch from Lilo & Stitch.
- Saving relics of my crushes. Look, if I'm in elementary school and I have a crush on you, anything you discard is fair game for my miniature backpack shrine. Erasers. Little curly parts you rip off the edges of your notebook paper. Anything. I'm not kidding.
- Selling Girl Scout cookies door to door.
- Eating the Girl Scout cookies I forgot to deliver to aforementioned doors.
- Being a beauty queen. See: above photo.
- Living up to my class nickname of "girl who picks her nose."
- Looking up to Amanda Bynes. Because that couldn't lead to death in 2002.
- Listening to The Delilah Show on the radio each night. I didn't have a whole lotta friends.
- Being tricked into eating cat food by my grandfather because it looked like Coco Puffs. :/
To soak up some of Saffy's awesomeness for yourself, come out to DCH Wednesday night (March 19th) @ 7 p.m.
You can buy tickets here!
Sarah Mowery is a Level 2 Improv student at DCH and intern blogger for DCH. She's also an SMU student. More of Sarah's comedy stylings HERE!