One day, my mom’s office manager, Theresa, was at a new Waco establishment called Five Below—a store filled with knick-knacks costing, you guessed it, $5 or less. I’m not sure all the treasures she found, but the ones I have come in contact with are magical, little trinkets that can be used to pull a simple prank. Actually, it seems like that’s what they were designed for, because I don’t expect anyone would willingly brand themselves with these objects. A few days later, my mom found this on the back of her car:
Yes, that says, “I heart my own farts.” It’s a magnetic decal with the perfect sort of sophomoric humor that makes most people laugh, so why not put it on someone’s car? And why not the car of your boss who is a fun loving kind of gal who watches South Park in her spare time after drinking a margarita? Theresa told me that my mom’s initial reaction was to question if that was, in fact, her car. She knew who the prankster was instinctively, because they’ve been working together for 20-something years. My mom was a good sport about it, as you’d expect, so she took the decal for safe-keeping.
A week later, another decal made its way to the back of mom’s car. This time it said, “Honk if you like 2 poop.” Mom didn’t notice the poop one as quickly and drove home to inexplicable honking.
And somehow the decals made their way into my dad’s hands. He successfully had my mom drive across town with both decals on the back of her car. He also tried to slap them on the back of my younger sister Mary’s car for a long drive up I-35, but chuckled too much for it to be kept a secret. I took the decals because there were so many more possible victims in Dallas than Waco. They sat there in my car for two weeks and became something I got used to. Weird, I know.
One night, I was at my sister Katie and Alexis’ apartment doing laundry, because as a plebe, I don’t own a washer and dryer. When I left around midnight, I started to drive away as usual when the decals caught my eye. Two decals for two cars. It was perfect! I placed them quickly and headed home.
Admittedly, it wasn’t well executed, and I got a text the next morning asking, “Did you put those bumper stickers on our cars??” Yes, yes I did.
The last time I was at Alexis and Katie’s apartment, I only saw the “Honk if you love 2 poop” magnet. This one is reserved for one lucky friend, so if you know any of us in Dallas, double check the back of your car. You may have a new bumper sticker. I speculate that mom took the other back to Waco to exact revenge. We’ll see. Despite the juvenile nature of the decals themselves, I’m honestly impressed with the sophisticated web of pranking we’ve established. I wish there was some way to track the journeys of the decals, like on BookCrossing.com.
Leslie Michaels is currently a Level 4 improv student at the DCH Training Center. She spends her spare time riding her bicycle, playing Ultimate Frisbee, or hanging out with her boyfriend, Netflix. She still questions whether she’s a dog person or a cat person.