This is the tenth week of #ashtag!! Ten weeks!! Ten! Ten is a solid number. Many lists are made up of top tens. There are 10 commandments. Time is chunked up into 10-year decades. Tenth anniversary gifts involve tin. Tenth birthdays are usually pretty cool. The metric system.
Let's just start with the Internet trends of this week. Gwen Stefani is the top search on Google. She and Pharrell Williams are the new judges on The Voice, which follows the pattern of blonde female pop star and black male pop star set by former judge sets, Christina Aguilera & Cee-Lo and Shakira & Usher. These sets always accompany the same white-male constants, Blake Shelton and Adam Levine, who have stayed on every season while the diversity duo changes up. Carson Daly has also remained a white-male constant by hosting all seven seasons.
The show Gotham is also a top search this week. TIME magazine has a pretty useful summation of this new show and its characters. Please allow me to sum up this summation. The show is the origin story of Batman's hometown buddy, Commissioner Gordon. It revolves around the death of Bruce Wayne's parents and the investigation of their murder by Gordon, who is ranked just a rookie detective on the show. The lead villain is played by John Doman, who played the resident butthole, Major Rawls, on The Wire. I may give this show sometime on the air before I start watching it. I prefer to binge on shows at least a few episodes at a time.
One of the top viewed videos on YouTube this week is titled "KTVA reporter quits on-air, reveals herself as owner of Alaska Cannabis Club." As the title suggests, the reporter says she is pro-marijuana and fairness. The reporter then says "f**k it" on-air, which seems unnecessary and counter-productive to the pro-pot movement. My favorite part of this 34-second video is the last 10 seconds when the anchor scrambles to apologize for what just happened, nervously says, "We'll be right back," and then awkwardly jumps into the news instead.
Another top viewed YouTube vid is "Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Miss America Pageant (HBO)." I'd like to note that while this video has over a million views, the Miss America Pageant itself did not break the Top 25 Google searches this week or last. I didn't even know it happened, but I'm not an accurate gauge of cultural relevancy. No one seems to care about Miss America anymore, and John Oliver spends this clip pointing out the pageant's outdatedness. In the early years of Miss America, they assigned points based on body make-up, e.g. "five points for the construction of the head."
I dive into the top music videos of the week in an effort to keep afloat with what's popular and cool. Every week, the top songs instead make me feel older, grumpier, and more disconnected than I did before I listened/watched the "music." This week is no different. The No. 1 viewed music video according to MTV is Big Hookz "Keep Talkin feat Styles P." I went over to Google because I couldn't think of the word that would describe the style of this song—is his voice chopped? Screwed? I wasn't sure. I Googled the song and the third search result was CMT's link to the music video. Country Music Television's link to the video was the third search result. I clicked on the link. CMT's logo and tagline, "Get Country" were prominently displayed across the top of the site, while the video played down below. The video with bare butts twerking and a dude rapping with bottles of champagne played beneath the Country Music Television banner. I understand nothing.
I did not create a top 10 list of my own to celebrate our 10th week of #ashtag. I apologize. To make it up to you, let me tell you how I've been doing in the Kardashian game. Not well. I've been doing not well. I start jobs and forget about the game. I go days without playing. It's like letting your Tamagotchi live in a poop pile before it dies. Except this neglect comes with the disappointment of Kim Kardashian. #maybeiwilldobetterthisweekormaybeiwont
Ashley Bright is a writer/performer at Dallas Comedy House. She’s a graduate of the DCH Improv Training Program and is currently a level 3 sketch writing student. You can see her perform every weekend at Dallas Comedy House.