This is the 11th week of #ashtag!! Eleven weeks!! Eleven. Eleven is a number. It follows seven sometimes; not numerically, but as a convenience store chain name. We all know that. The 11th hour is when sh*t gets real and down into the nitty gritty. Okay, I'm reaching. I guess there's no reason for us to get as jazzed up about the 11th week like we did for week 10. Traditional gifts for 11th anniversaries are steel. Cold, hard steel.
Just as with every other edition of #ashtag, we're going to dig through the Internet, find the top trends, and learn things about ourselves and humanity. At the very least, we will learn about the most recently and fleetingly popular things online. I may have been reaching again when I said we would learn about ourselves and humanity, but you never know.
Sports are back on top this week. The Google top searches are flooded with the names of NFL teams. Let's just get this out of the way right now - I'm not a huge football fan. Neither college nor professional gets my gears goin'. Can we all just agree now that I can skip over this admission in the upcoming weeks during the football season? Of course, if another elevator video or something pops to the top, we can get into it. But no one is going to have fun with me recapping game highlights and scores, especially not me. I will say that the Steelers lost this week, which is not very cool. Steelers. Steel. Eleventh week together. A win from them would have been a nice 11th week anniversary gift for all of us, huh? Moving on.
Amanda Bynes was arrested for a DUI, so her name was a top search. Do you remember when she did the "Ask Ashley" sketch on Snick's All That? Let's remember her that way. On a near perfect and unintentional segue, you can "Ask Ashley" any real life/burning need for advice questions by emailing email@example.com. I will be fielding the questions for next week's edition of DCH's "So Says the Comedian" and dispensing life advice. I can channel Amanda Bynes if you'd like, but it may involve starting a fire in my driveway.
One of the top hashtags this week is #lamerduos. I skimmed over it because I thought it was the name of a sports star, Lamar Duos, as it was mixed in with other sports team and athlete name hashtags. Sports are big right now, guys, as we've discussed above. Sadly, hashtags do not come with definitions even when you Google them. You just have to read through posts and try to piece together the intended use. #lamerduos appears to be applied to tweets attempting to make puns out of famous duos. Many of these fit the "lamer" part of the hashtag, such as "Sonny and Chair" and "Screech and Chong." Actually Screech and Chong was probably the best of what I saw. Oh boy. Hmm, I'm hating, so let me try to pop one off the top of my dome. Okay, um, Wayne & Darth...like a showdown between Batman and Darth Vader. No? Okay, I'm out. The tweeter of "Sonny and Chair" is better than me, and I am okay with it.
This week I headed over to VH1 for the top music videos of the week. For no other reason than that CMT provided me with hip-hop last week, so I thought it best to shake up my sources. And because VH1 has always been super cool and cutting edge. That was sarcasm, and I apologize, VH1, you're cool. According to the Top 20 list, the No. 1 video of the past week is Meghan Trainor's "All About that Bass." It's a catchy tune with a pastel colored video. I don't like her throwing out the "skinny bitches" line because we're all okay - skinny or not. But it did make me feel better about eating a cookie while I type this. [Editor's Note: Respect the treble.]
As we like to do, let's end with a note about my progress in the Kardashian game. I've done a little better this week. I've started jobs and remembered them. My publicist hasn't yelled at me as much. It's been a pretty alright week. #thisisnotreallifeandirealizehowpatheticthissoundspleaseemailyourquestionsforadvice
Ashley Bright is a writer/performer at Dallas Comedy House. She’s a graduate of the DCH Improv Training Program and is currently a level 3 sketch writing student. You can see her perform every weekend at Dallas Comedy House.