#Ashtag Week 2: Ashley Keeps Digging

By Ashley Bright  As I told you last week, I'm on a journey to become slightly less out of the loop, the millennial loop. I feel like I'm already too salty towards all things current, and I haven't yet hit 30 years old. I fear for middle-aged me. I may become socially dysfunctional too early. I don't think I'll pop kids out in time for them to help me understand how to work my phone or for them to translate hip slang for me. That's what kids do for their parents, right? So, in my effort to temper my curmudgeon ways, I will be exploring the most popular things on the internet each week. I may not like these things, but at least I'll know what everybody's talking about.

Just like last week, sports are at the top of today's Google searches. The #1 search is MLB's Home Run Derby. I had to travel to Wikipedia for a definition because I didn't know what a Home Run Derby was, despite it happening every year since 1985. That means it has been happening every year that I've been on this earth and I was completely unaware. Baseball ignorance: yet another way I'm proving to be a bad American.

Jared, let's be honest. The fish at Subway is not THAT fresh.

Bastille Day was the #2 Google search. I needed no Wikipedia for this one. I've taken some history classes in my day. And even though I may have forgotten that Bastille Day is on July 14th, I've had some offer emails from La Madeleine to remind me. So, check that, Internet. I do know some things.

On to YouTube. I'm not so out of the loop that I didn't know about Sharknado. I may not have watched it or even seen a trailer for it, but I was aware of its existence. I even knew that Sharknado 2: The Second One existed. Because I've recently been inside of a Subway sandwich shop. Apparently, Jared has a part of this "movie," and Subway is very proud of this fact. I just watched the trailer for this sequel. I spotted Tara Reid, Vivica A. Fox, and Mark McGrath (I didn't see Jared). It's like pop culture paused at the year 2001. Except that it didn't, and they each look roughed up enough to warrant being in a SyFy original movie named Sharknado 2. And when did Sci-Fi become SyFy? I'll tell you. I looked it up. The re-branding happened in 2009; right around the time I stopped paying for cable.

Weird Al is back. This doesn't surprise me. He pops up every few years and throws a new ditty on the floor. His new song "Tacky" riffs on Pharrell's "Happy" (which yes, I have heard). I watched the video for "Tacky," and then thought it a good opportunity to watch the video for "Happy." I didn't know that official music videos were still a thing. So, I went on a search to find the #1 music video this week. I found Will.i.am's "Scream and Shout (Remix)." Watching this video has made me understand why I've been so happy out of the loop. Britney Spears is in it. Fine. P. Diddy's in it. Does he have a new nickname yet? I'm not going to look it up. I will happily stay in the dark about P.D.'s name. This video is obnoxious, but I sat through all of it. I'd like to flick each person who had a hand in the creation of this video right in the nose. More so, I'd like to flick myself in the nose for subjecting myself to it. But I'd flinch too much to execute the flicking, so I will not even attempt it. That and possible pain.

The top hashtags this week all have to do with the World Cup, #ger, #arg, #bra, #etc. If you read my entry last week, you'll understand why I have nothing more to say on this soccer subject.

In conclusion, this week I may have learned that diving into the popular stuff might actually make me more curmudgeony than if I had just stayed uncool and uninformed. But I'll take the risk. Meet me back here next week for some more #ashtagging.

Ashley Bright is a graduate of the DCH improv program and is currently enrolled in level 2 sketch writing at DCH. She's an intern for the DCH blog, and you can see her perform every weekend at DCH.