DCF2015: Where'd Everybody Go?

DCH logo You may not know this, but Glenn Smith is fluent in Logo. In fact, he’s the last person alive who can speak Logo, and he’s done us a solid here by translating our own Dallas Comedy House (DCH) Logo’s memories of the Dallas Comedy Festival.

Hello? Anyone there? Kyle? Amanda? It’s me, the DCH logo backstage. I’ve got to tell you that your parents really know how to party. They bought me dozens of Jello shots Saturday night, and I got so wasted that I blacked out around 3 a.m. and I just woke up. Man, have I got some stories to tell about this year’s festival and trust me, none of this is made up.

First off, I was easily the most popular thing at the festival. So many people came to take pictures with me that I felt like Spiderman in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theater, except there was a little more crying here. Landon came to see me from California, and Madeleine came to visit from New York. I heard that Andre made it, too, but he was receiving too much love at the front of the house to venture on back. His loss! That’s OK, because I made other friends from out of state and they treated me famously.

That comedian, Preston Lacy, was so nice and down to earth. I can’t believe people kept saying something about him being a “Jackass.” TJ and Dave were so into me that that they allowed me to give them a suggestion to start their show Friday night. I gave them the word “me.” They must have misunderstood, however, because somehow their show ended up being about some drunk, obnoxious guy. Then, that Bangarang! troupe came by and they were totally fun. Of course, that was until that one girl started rubbing herself against me while the rest of them loudly shouted “Go, Hobo Joe, go!” over and over again. It was really weird, but I guess that’s how they all roll out in L.A.

Wow! It’s really odd that no one is here. Cesar? Maiella? Ashley? Dang, they are here like every day. Something’s up. You don’t think that Amanda was actually serious about that moving business? I thought she was just messing with me. That’s not fair! I have so many questions that I will never get answered now. Why is that word game called Electric Company when they say “Mahna Mahna” which is a Muppet thing? Czechoslovakia? If we’re going for antiquated geographical names, why not Constantinople? What is the deal with the hangers? My great grandfather was Joan Crawford’s closet and he would not have been amused in the slightest. Most of all, is Franzia really certifiably crazy?

OK, Amanda, I’m sorry for whatever I did. Please take me with you. I am going to miss the wonderful energy every day. I have always loved watching all of the people, some overcoming their stage fright, some making lifelong friends, some even getting engaged. I have seen so much, and I don’t want it to ever stop. I promise to be good. I’ll even give up Jello shots forever. OK, we know THAT will never happen, but I am willing to try. I want to be your logo and your friend forever.

Glenn Smith is a graduate of the DCH Training Program and performs regularly in the troupes Juan Direction and Shameless Pugs and is the host of QuizProv.

(Image: Michael Corbett)