Doing Dallas: BRUNCH Edition

Each week, this Virginian will try a new Dallasite activity and blog about the experience. Hey everyone and welcome to "Doing Dallas," a new, weekly post that features my thoughts and experiences on trying all things Dallas! This week, I decided to tackle the enigma that is Brunch. I’m not saying that I have never before eaten “brunch”—the combined breakfast/lunch meal with the cute celebrity couple name—because I have and I found it to be a swell experience. But I’m talking Brunch with a capital B—the sundresses, the #brunch Instas, the bottomless mimosas; the whole nine yards. That kind of Brunching is an exclusive club I had never visited, so Sunday morning I grabbed the bull by the horns (please note that appropriately Texan saying,) grabbed some friends, and headed to Uptown. Here’s what I learned:

The unhappy faces of my misled Brunchmates

1. Do Your Brunch Research

If you’re a Brunch novice like myself, don’t assume that you know how to navigate the murky waters of restaurant options; in trying to disguise your Brunch ignorance, you can easily lead yourself and others astray. Take, for example, my attempt to come off as a Brunch expert by suggesting we eat a restaurant I’d never been to but have driven past: Yolk. I mean, how Brunchy does that name sound?! After telling a white-lie by talking up the restaurant (“y’all, its so trendy and their omelets are to die for”) and paying for parking, we walked up to the door only to find out the restaurant hasn’t opened yet. Not “hasn’t opened” like we got their hours wrong, but “hasn’t opened” as in IT DOES NOT YET EXIST AS A RESTAURANT. Oops. #Awkward. After taking a picture of our fail—because Brunch in its entirety must be captured on camera—we headed off to another restaurant picked by someone other than myself.

Jenna Instagraming her healthy omelet. She even ordered the tomato-based, celery-containing Bloody Mary. She did Brunch right.

2. Know What to Order

Food is the glue that holds Brunch together and one wrong choice can send your whole morning of Brunch preparation down the tubes. Be smart and come prepared by knowing your Brunch terminology. Asking for “those eggs that are kind of runny but not raw but not solid” is a surefire way to tip off your angsty waiter that you’re a Brunch newbie. This fact will so appall him that he will proceed to forget about your table for the rest of your visit. He will also proceed to only get a 12 percent tip after doing so, but still, the situation could have been avoided had you mastered the Brunch vocabulary. Also, be cognizant of the fact that whatever you order will soon be on Instagram for all to see (refer to point three.) Accordingly, my choice of butter drenched French toast, sausage, and bacon next to my friend’s low-fat, low-carb egg-white vegetable omelet proved to be a bold choice.

My Instagram post. Aerial view? Check. Alcohol?  Check. Amazing hashtags? Indeed. And 39 likes…not too shabby.

 

3. Instagram

One thing I’ve learned from stalking my friends’ Brunch experiences is if you didn’t take a picture, it didn’t happen. Take as many photos of your food as possible from all angles—the artsier, the better. Pro tip: standing on your chair lands you a hipster aerial photo that will be coveted by all of your followers (see photo.) Use as many hashtags as possible—this will not be annoying but rather will show others how passionate you are about Brunching. If possible, make sure any alcohol you ordered is in the shot, too, so that everyone knows you’re a badass who drinks at 11 in the morning. Be sure to tag your location so all your followers know where to find you!

4. Topics of Conversation

Keep the conversation light—nothing too serious like politics or opinions about who should have won So You Think You Can Dance. After listening to conversations around us, we found three topics to be most prevalent: Betches, Booze, and Boys, or what I like to call the “Three B’s.” Try to insert into your conversation as many inspirational phrases as possible—“You must cultivate your own garden” and/or “You are NOT fat”—and you’re golden!

My experience was a positive one, and I am planning on becoming a monthly (possibly biweekly, if I’m feeling spontaneous and crazy) Bruncher. Cheers to the weekend and the phenomena that is Dallas Brunch!

Three satisfied Brunchers.

Chelsea Grogan is a Level 4 improv student at the DCH Training Center. She is obsessed with music of the 60s & 70s and her vices include vanilla lattes and Swedish Fish. You can check out more of Chelsea’s thoughts and ponderings HERE!