NEW YORK, NY—Hair of presidential hopeful Donald Trump has reportedly hopped party lines and financially endorsed Hillary Clinton’s campaign. When asked for a comment, neither Trump’s nor Hair’s publicist had any substantial information to give surrounding the rumor that the two have cut ties.
Such an endorsement could be huge for the Clinton campaign as well as detrimental to Trump’s attempt to secure the Republican nomination, as Trump’s Hair is worth at least half of Trump’s fortune.
“I don’t know if it’s true, and I hope it isn’t,” says Kathy White, one of Trump’s constituents. “But if it is, then he needs to get his hair under control.”
As well as hurting the campaign, an endorsement this substantial will put a strain on Trump and Hair’s personal relationship, which is often described as “stuck together like glue.”
Frisbee Hits Car, Damage By April May
DALLAS, TX—Around 8 p.m. on Thursday, a Frisbee careened out of Exall Park and into oncoming traffic, hitting a 2012 Lexus GX belonging to Edith Cryer of Highland Park.
When police arrived on the scene, no cosmetic damage was visible on Cryer’s car, although she seemed shaken.
“I have never been a victim of such vandalism. I just don’t feel safe anymore,” Cryer says.
The culprits have not been apprehended and are described as a young, white couple: Male, about 6’0”, athletic build, brown curly hair, wearing a plaid shirt, and female, about 5’5”, athletic build, and long “unruly” blonde hair. It is believed that the couple is armed with more Frisbees. If you have any information, please contact April May at Not So Breaking News.
High School Senior Comes Out As Vegetarian By April May
NOWHERE, TX—High school senior Eric Washington, 17, recently came out as a vegetarian to his classmates at Nowhere High School.
“I wanted to start the school year off right. I’ve known these people all my life, and I felt like they should know my true self,” Washington explains.
Although family and friends have shown support for Washington, a group of students has shown their opposition by graffitiing “Veggie Lover!” on Washington’s locker and placing wilted lettuce on his desk before class. The school is currently investigating to determine who is behind these intimidation tactics.
“It’s just a group of close minded people who aren’t willing to understand another way of life,” Washington maturely puts it. “Right now, it makes me laugh, but I fear that it could escalate. I do have the support of so many people though, including some of the lunch ladies, which means everything to me.”
Leslie Michaels is currently a Level 4 improv student at the DCH Training Center. She spends her spare time riding her bicycle, playing Ultimate Frisbee, or hanging out with her boyfriend, Netflix. She still questions whether she’s a dog person or a cat person.
(Illustration by John Spriggs)