"Rogue Tooth Fairy Menaces Small Town" by Jamé McCraw

Edna Waterson, 82, was the most recent victim of an unsettling crimewave that has menaced the small town of Smithfield, Iowa. Waterson woke on the morning of May 12 to find that her dentures were not in their usual place by the bathroom sink. What she found instead was a small stack of shiny quarters. Smithfield residents of all ages have been losing teeth and waking up to loose change. This is the first reported incident of someone losing a full set of false teeth.

Sheriff Donald Doppler has been leading the investigation of more than 38 reported incidents.

“At first, we thought it was a prank by some rough and tumble elementary school kids," Doppler said. "Everybody knows that when you lose a tooth, the tooth fairy is gonna come for that tooth. It seemed like the kids were setting traps to fall down intentionally. But then we got reports of teeth not just falling out, but being removed entirely.”

The incidents were spread out across town and afflicted children and adults alike. Kevin Sanford, 32, woke to find his incisor was missing. Like other incidents reported, the dental extraction was done with extreme care and precision and resulted in absolutely no pain.

“It doesn’t hurt a lick,” Sanford said. “I wish the culprit had taken the tooth that had been bothering me. I have a rotten tooth in the back that needs a root canal. But now I’m down one of the good teeth.”

A quarter was left beneath his pillow, as well as, but along with a very important, sparkling clue: glitter.

“I’ve known Kevin since he was a boy and there is no reason for glitter to be in the man’s house this far from the holidays. I think we are looking for a rogue tooth fairy,” Doppler said. “We are almost certain of the ideal trap to catch her.”’

The town of Smithfield will host its first "Smithfield Smiling Festival" on June 3 in the Town Square. There will be a mouth-rinse gargling contest, free toothbrushes for the kids, and plenty of plaque candy to go around. Admission is free and the festivities begin at 10 a.m. Sheriff Doppler would like to remind attendants that the “buddy system” is mandatory, as there may be a dangerous tooth fairy in the vicinity.

Jamé McCraw is a current student at DCH and performs with Watermelon. She enjoys watching squirrels through the windows of her little old house while holding hands with her cat, Stanley.