Kanye

Comedy Centerfold: Jade Smith

Welcome to Comedy Centerfold, where we feature a Dallas Comedy House performer and get to know him or her a little better by using questions that Playboy centerfolds are usually asked. Jade Smith

Jade Smith was once a spy. But not for any of those big countries like Russia or the U.S. No, she spied for a little-known country that, well, if I told you, Jade would clandestinely take my knees out. Over time, though, she became tired of the spy business and wanted something a little more stable and financially rewarding. That's how she ended up performing improv in the troupes Toon Squad (March 10 and April 6), Pinot Memoir (March 9 and April 28), and Impractical Magic (April 6, King of the Mountain show). And that's all I'm allowed to tell you, because she's like a former spy and all and still has connections.

Hometown? Houston, Texas: Home of Beyoncé and the mosquito. The real slogan of Houston.

Guilty Pleasures? Looking at pictures of baby animals, listening to Ariana Grande, and quoting 2Chainz in professional settings. While guilty pleasures imply guilt, please know I am not ashamed of these interests.

Ambitions? Honestly, I haven’t figured it out yet. I love doing comedy and I’d really love working in the entertainment field. I'm kind of making it up as I go along. Claaaaassic, improviser.

Best Concert? I like going to a lot of music festivals, but my favorite was seeing Lauryn Hill and Childish Gambino at FreePress a while back in Houston. The venue was outside on a rainy day, so people were falling and slipping in the mud everywhere. It was one of the best days of my life. The music was cool, too.

Favorite Book? The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I remember I kind of stole it from my neighbor and it taught me a great deal about life and dreams and aspirations. It’s a great read if you’re a human being.

Favorite Movie? Breakfast Club. Spirited Away. Big Fish. I’m the worst at making decisions.

Favorite TV Show? My favorite show of all time is Parks and Recreation. I love the writing and all of the ridiculous townspeople of Pawnee. Runner ups include Bob's Burgers, Gilmore Girls, Happy Endings (RIP), and Lost. In that order, because I’m still lowkey mad about Lost.

Pets? I have a dog with anxiety named Jordy and a cat named Latté that gives me anxiety. Fun fact: I used to own a hedgehog I named Pollo, but my mom made me give it away. THANKS, O’MAMA.

Foods I Crave? Pizza. I love pizza like the classic song from the R&B group, Heatwave, "Always and Forever."

People I Admire? Dave Chappelle. He sparked my interest in sketch comedy initially, and his show (RIP) was so poignant and hilarious. Also, Key & Peele and Jessica Williams from The Daily Show. This was hard to narrow down—my admiration is overflowing.

Dream Role? I’d want to host a late night talk show, so I could feature all my talented friends. Or be in AirBud. I LOVED AirBud as a kid. (RIP?)

Favorite Song to Sing? I’m a HUGE fan of karaoke, some of my go-to’s are "September" by Earth Wind and Fire, "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserable and "Golddigger" by Kanye West. All very similar songs.

Good First Date Idea? If you’re new to dates, you’re going to want to take things slow. Dole and Sunsweet distribute them, and I’m pretty sure they’re available at many retailers. You could also try Sears.

 

#Ashtag #24: Not About the Oscars

#Ashtag 2015 monthly edition is back, y'all. I don't feel comfortable with my usage of "y'all" right there. I never use "y'all" in an earnest way, because I don't have much of a Texas accent. If I say "y'all", it's usually paired with some hip slang like, "Let's kick it, y'all" or "It's on, y'all." There's always a good bit of shame following its usage. And that's because I'm not hip, y'all. With #Ashtag, we'll dive into all things hip and popular on the Internet in an effort to keep "with it" and to stave off the grumpy old man trying to take over my soul. 24 Photo 1

Let's start with some of this week's top Google searches. Adidas is trending, and it's trending because of Kanye. Here's a twist though: Kanye is not coming off like a jerk in this story like he did after the Grammy Awards (I didn't watch it, but I am aware of his Beck/Beyonce rant). So, Adidas has released Kanye's Yeezy Boosts sneakers as a limited, exclusive release of only 9,000 pairs at $350 each. Kanye says he disagrees with this decision, because he wants as many people as possible to be able to get his shoes. After typing that sentence, I feel like maybe it's less of a noble, non-jerk, Robin Hood reasoning and more like Ye just wants everyone to have his name on their shoes.

The Oscars are also trending, but since we're at a weird limbo where I'm writing this before the show, but you're reading it after, we're just going to skip talking about it altogether.

24 Photo 2

Jason Momoa is a top search this week due to a release of a poster for the much-anticipated Superman v Batman movie. The poster has him tridented up as Aquaman. Momoa is best known for playing Khal Drogo on Game of Thrones. Here's a fun fact about me: despite my age and crotchety old-mannedness, I am as boy-crazy as a tween girl. I'm not ashamed to admit that I find Momoa quite dreamy. Nor am I ashamed to admit that I've included this paragraph solely so I could include a picture of Momoa. You're welcome, ladies.

Speaking of Aquaman, gold-medal Olympian, Michael Phelps is engaged to 2010 Miss California, Nicole Johnson. Here's another fun fact: I've only included this fact so that I could use the transition, "speaking of Aquaman." You're welcome, everyone.

One of the top YouTube videos this week is "Chris Brown & Tyga Talk Drake Beef, Amber Rant + Kylie." I know that I could learn a lot from this video. I mean doing #Ashtag is where I learned the name, Tyga, and it's where I first saw what Drake looked like. But this video is nearly a half hour long, and I just don't have it in me. I've watched the first 30 seconds, so if anyone wants to watch the rest to summarize it or at least explain the title to me, I'll listen.

Another top video on YouTube, this one with a watchable length is "Uptown Funk - Mark Ronson ft Bruno Mars #without music." As the title suggests, this is a snippet of the official music video without the music. It does have the singing but only accompanied by the sounds of shoes being shined. I jumped down the rabbit hole and watched a few of these withoutmusic videos. The awkward humor wore off pretty quickly, so tread cautiously.

This is where we wrap it up. Thank you very much for joining me for another edition of #Ashtag. I hope you learned as much as I did. We'll be back every third Monday of the month for more pop culture education.

Ashley Bright is a writer/performer at Dallas Comedy House. She’s a graduate of and an instructor for the DCH Improv Training Program. You can see her perform every weekend at Dallas Comedy House.

#Ashtag Week 9: A Buzz Within a Buzz

All aboard for this week's edition of #Ashtag. As with all previous entries, I find out what's popular on the Internet and share it with you, the loyal reader. Together we drink up today's pop culture strained through the filter of my unhip mind. Surge soda is back, and the Internet is abuzz with news of its return. In fact, the return is happening because of Internet buzz. A buzz within a buzz within a buzz. Tens of thousands of soda fans, who dubbed themselves The Surge Movement, petitioned for the return of the discontinued soda via social media. Their cries were heard. Surge is Coke's attempt to compete with Pepsi's Mountain Dew as the edgiest citrus soda around. As of now, Surge can only be purchased online, but if the Internet keeps up the soda buzz, Surge may have a triumphant return to store shelves.

Be careful when dancing "the Carlton."

Dancing with the Stars is back for another season, its 19th season. Out of 19 seasons, I believe I've seen a total of maybe 15 minutes of the show. It's a dancing competition where out-of-the-spotlight celebs pair up with ballroom dancers in an attempt to entertain America while regaining the adoration they may have once had. Carlton from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Alfonso Ribeiro, is on this season's cast. Apparently, he scored very high numbers this week with a near-perfect jive. I'd like to note that as a child I had perfected "the Carlton" dance from Fresh Prince. And at age 21, I injured my knee while doing it. I limped for a few days, because I hurt myself doing "the Carlton." Please don't think less of me.

Tommy Chong, another contestant on this season's Dancing with the Stars, is also a top search this week. He's not allowed to show any pot leaves or bongs, but he considers himself to be a walking/dancing pot leaf. He says he and his partner will be wearing a lot of green in an effort to support medical marijuana. Sparkly, sparkly green.

#Ashtag is a place for learning and healing.

The top video on YouTube this week with over four million views is "Kanye West Sydney wheelchair misunderstanding," which like the top videos of previous weeks, spells out exactly what happens in the video. A concert-goer's phone captured Kanye ordering all of his fans to stand up before he continues with the show. He even makes mention of the wheelchair, but still continues to hold out until everyone stands. I suppose if anyone believes they can make someone in a wheelchair stand, it's Yeezy. Or Benny Hinn. Benny Hinn is a popular televangelist known for faith-healing and Yeezy is one of Kanye West's nicknames. #ashtag is a place for learning, you guys.

One of the top music videos this week is Red Cafe's "Pretty Gang." At first, I wasn't sure if Red Cafe was a group or an individual or an eatery. I did a search. Red Cafe is an individual rapper and has been around for quite some time. He even had a song on the Coach Carter soundtrack way back in 2005. His current hit, "Pretty Gang" is a song about pretty girls and sippin on XO. The video features pretty girls twerking and bending over chairs, as pretty girls in a pretty gang would be wont to do.

A top hashtag on Twitter this week is #4goodthings. People list four good things in their life at the moment and then use this hashtag. One of my favorite lists that I saw for #4goodthings is "FFA stock shows, bae, chicken fried steak and the lake." That is a solid list. If I had a list of my own #4goodthings, it would include reading that list of #4goodthings. A buzz within a buzz within a buzz.

As you've come to expect each week, I do have an update on the Kardashian game. My playing time has significantly decreased. I mistakenly started a photo shoot before I went to sleep. The job ended when I only had one star, which is terrible. A work contact broke up with me because of my low scoring gig. #maybeImbecomingnormalagainandthisgameisslowlyleavingmylife