by Sarah Mowery It's been over 5 weeks since an enormous airplane with 239 people on board disappeared from the sky with absolutely no explanation and --HOLY EFF, WHAT???!?! Why is no one talking about this??
I’m going to jump straight to the point here: I am scared. Mostly for myself and for Justin Bieber because Lord knows we would not be equipped to handle a disaster, but also for everyone else.
It seems like this whole situation is being glossed over. Like everyone sort of wants to get the update on Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, but, in the end, it’s just another 660,000-pound aircraft vanishing into the Indian Ocean. Like, sad, but nothing we can do about it, so let’s just call it Season 7 of Lost and move on. Like, you would never say it out loud, but it doesn’t really affect you, so, yes, you hope they find that black box, but you’d also rather just pretend that plane never existed.
But a closer look may reveal that it DOES affect us. Because planes don’t just fall out of the sky. If they did, people would still be travelling across oceans on giant, or should I say “Titanic,” cruise ships, and we all know what happens when those things get involved *cough ICEBERGS cough*. Since you can in fact fly directly through sky icebergs, I have yet to come up with any feasible explanation as to how this 242-foot flying object managed to get lost without a trace in a world where my little sister was able to use Google Street View to bust me for having a boy over to my house. It doesn’t.
You see, my concern is that people are so accustomed to hearing bad news that they just write it off when something big like this happens. “Hey did you hear about that school shooting?” “Yes, it’s awful! I can’t believe it. What did you bring for lunch?” “Tuna salad. Oh my god I just got a USA Today news update about the total number of child soldiers that have been killed in Africa since 2000, how sad is that?” “So sad. When will people learn to be compassionate? Wait does your news update say anything about Kim and Kanye’s wedding being postponed?”
I’m not saying that people don’t care about what’s going on in the world. I do believe we care, but we can’t let ourselves care too much, or else we would implode from the sheer amount of things there are to worry about.
But this plane’s disappearance is different than genocide or sexism or animal cruelty because we can’t identify the problem. Show me a nation of women being paid less than their male counterparts and I can tell you exactly what the problem is and lay out some possible solutions. Show me a beat-up puppy, and it won’t be long before we’ve got the ASPCA on the way. We don’t have to be up in arms all the time about problems we can identify, because we know that someone out there, if not us, is working on a solution.
Malaysia Airlines 370? Yeah, I can’t really identify what’s going on there, but here’s what I’ve come up with so far: Outcome = 239 people almost certainly dead at the bottom of the ocean. Problem that caused outcome = Engine failure? Pilot asleep? Isolated thunder storms? Bermuda triangle type deal? Kraken? All of the above? I do not know! And since the problem can’t be identified, meaning that no one can be getting very far coming up with a solution, we all have an extremely valid reason to be freaking the eff out, starting 5 weeks ago and ending whenever anyone can explain to us what REALLY happened to that plane.
I am afraid that the lack of riots on the streets and total pandemonium surrounding this issue must mean that Big Brother’s plot to control our minds and make us void of all human reason and emotion is nearing completion. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t one of the signs of the Apocalypse planes falling out of the sky and everyone just kind of going on with their day? Yeah, that’s definitely in there, right next to the one about Courtney Love leading the charge on solving the world’s greatest mysteries.
So start doomsday prepping, and go see an improv show. Lord knows we’ll all need the laughs when the world as we know it comes to an end.
Sarah Mowery is a Level 2 Improv student at DCH and a blogging intern for DCH media. You can also read more of her comedy stylings HERE.