No doubt you've seen the recent influx of faux-personality quizzes on Facebook lately. Most are titled like, "Find out which character you are from 'The Avengers!'" It's a short, multiple choice questionnaire that uses a film, TV show or general pop culture reference to decide who your doppelganger is though simple preferences and everyday decisions. Results usually end up being something you don’t agree with, "You took The Avengers quiz and got Hawkeye!"
"Hawkeye? Dahfuh," you say.
Now, let me be clear -- I see nothing wrong with finding out which fictional character best embodies you. It’s endearing, maybe even empowering, to know that you share the same fictional outlook as fictional Buzz Lightyear. But the quizzes seem to be on a downward spiral lately.
Last week, for some reason I took one about Dawson’s Creek. I have never seen Dawson's Creek, and my knowledge only reaches as far as the song. Even then it’s just the opener, "Idontwannawait...for our lives to be sloweeerr?" Anyways, I'm a Joey. Typical, Andrew. But if it weren't for the fact that there are a million of these quizzes posted hourly by friends, I wouldn't be tempted to waste my time ones like this that I have no clue about.
My biggest peeve with taking them is that you always know how to get to your final destination way too easy. Like when prompted to find out which "Sherlock" character I was -- and of course I wanna be the OG badass himself -- I just chose the most neurotic and self-supporting answers I can find. "There's been a murder! You get to the crime scene and…" The correct suggestion, "Examine the crime scene for clues others might miss," practically said, "DO EXACTLY AS SHERLOCK DO AND BE A BOSS ON THE SCENE."
I found a few other terrible quizzes on the interwebs, too; Buzzfeed is definitely the worst. They've given up on characters and started doing food. I’m mozzarella? I’m mozzarella?! Dammit, all this time I thought I was a nice feta or at least a Camembert. Vacation spots, "Girls" characters, Hipster meters -- you don’t know me, Buzzfeed, so back off!
But if the quiz isn't super clear about what choices will take you to the answer you want, it's always something ridiculous that you weren't expecting:
OMG! What SitCom Character Are You?
You have food in front of you, what are you eating?
A NY Hot Dog A Cosmopolitan A Home Cooked Meal * A Cup Of Coffee At Your Usual Spot
How would you describe your home life?
Mom Walked Out On Dad, Raised By Father Close Knit Group, Lots Of Things Tie You Together You're A Cousin From Philly Just Trying To Fit In You Don’t Get Along With Your Mother *
You have free time where are you?
At The Coffee Shop Still At Work In The Bar Sitting Around At Home *
*SEE ANSWER BELOW!* * * * * * * * * * *
CONGRATS! You're the Baby from the sorta hit, prehistoric SitCom, Dinosaurs!
Moral of the story to the world at large, please stop making/taking quizzes, or I’ll have to believe my fictional characters and food preferences as everything I know in life.