humor blog

A Guide To Having Your Parents Over For The Holidays

Happy MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR. The holiday season promises drinking, frivolity, gift-giving, alcohol, turkey specials at Boston Market, booze, you name it! This is when you really get to LET LOOSE.

But OH GOD your mother just called and said she and your father are COMING TO VISIT. What do you do?! Drink bleach to purify yourself? Stop it, you’re being rash. Convince the neighbor to burn down the building? No, that would take human interaction.

You’re going to have to prepare.

My Cat Has Goals (And Other Arguments Against Speciesism

by Sarah Mowery Since the dawn of time (since 200,000 years ago, rather), mankind has had the distinct advantage of being comfortably situated at the top of the food chain. We’ve gazed down at all the other animals, with their tails and their webbed feet and their adorable lack of fine motor skills and chortled, Dr. Pepper spraying triumphantly from our noses.

For thousands upon thousands of years, humans have proudly held the upper hand. Why? Because we can talk to and understand one another? Because we have opposable thumbs? Because we invented indoor plumbing?

Ah, the wonders of evolution.

Well, I took Biology in the 9th grade, and I’m here to tell you that 1. opposable thumbs are not that cool, I mean realistically I could easily type this whole thing and button my pants and stuff without them, come on, and 2. all animals are is humans who are different.

Not to get all PC on you, but thinking you’re any better than any other animal is speciesist and just plain wrong. Yeah, I’m talking to you, fellow mammals. In fact, calling them “animals” at all is pretty derogatory when you think about it. I prefer the term “People, Too.”

The truth is, there’s a lot we can learn from other People, Toos. Scout, the Feline American with whom I share my apartment, for example, is the most goal-oriented Person I’ve ever met. How many times have you, presumably a member of the aforementioned “Human” species and therefore obviously a huge bigot, crouched down behind the bathroom door to play with a rubber band when it somehow moves under the door crack beyond your reach, and thought, “Meh, there goes that toy. Guess I’ll go do something with my thumbs now.” Probably a million times!

Not Scout. Scout doesn’t give up. Scout has goals. Scout is going to roll around on her back behind that bathroom door, twisting and turning until she finds the angle that will allow her to slip her paw under the crack and grab the rubber band, huzzah! Could she have just walked around the door to the other side and easily gotten the rubber band there? Sure. But what fun would that be? Where’s the challenge?! Scout doesn’t take shortcuts! She stays focused and puts in the time and hard work required to achieve her goals. If Scout were Ferris Bueller, she would have run home on the damn sidewalk instead of cutting through those poor folks’ house or those random sunbathing ladies’ yard. This is also because she is not a falsely idolized miscreant, but I digress.

Unlike most “humans,” Scout likes to exercise during her free time. Here she is doing pull-ups.

Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all behaved a little more like those “animals” we so love to look down on? Everyone can make small, simple changes, to help the cause! Like napping more, or feeding your young by spitting chewed-up food into their mouths.

In conclusion, people are people. But People, Too, are people, too, and you “people” would do well to remember that.

Sarah Mowery is a level 3 student at the DCH training center and she interns for the DCH blog. Fine more of Sarah's comedy stylings HERE. 

 

 

 

DCH SHORT FILM CONTEST!

 

Theme info:

-On the first of each month a theme will be announced. The theme can be incorporated in whatever way you see fit, as long as your video draws inspiration from it in some form.

The theme for NOVEMBER is: OBLONG.

Prize Info:

-At the end of the month, the best videos will be chosen and will be compiled into that month's "episode". This will air at the Dallas Comedy House near the end of the month (see calendar for details). Additionally, a winner will be chosen each month to receive a prize.

The prize this month is a $75 DCH gift card and 4 FREE ADMISSION TICKETS. This is good for shows, classes, and merchandise, as well as at the bar. The winning video will receive one card to share among those involved.

Submission Guidelines:

-Videos must be uploaded to youtube. Make sure the privacy settings on the video are set to “unlisted” or “private” until after the end of the month video showcase.

-Send submissions to dchvideocontest@gmail.com. In the body of the email, make sure to include a link to the video (as well as the password for the video if necessary), a contact person for your group, and the names of all participants.

Submissions for September are due Friday, November 28th by 11:59PM. All finalists will be screened at a FREE SCREENING on Sunday, November 30th @ 9:30PM. 

Rules:

-There are no prerequisites to submit. Anybody can participate, even if you are not a student or performer.

-There are no length requirements. Submissions can be 5 seconds or 5 minutes long, as long as they're funny and high quality.

-Submissions will be judged on several criteria, including: humor, quality of the film, and performance of the actors.

-Do NOT publicly post your submission until AFTER the end of the month showcase. Doing so may get you disqualified.

Questions? EMAIL US: dchshortfilmcontest@gmail.com