Doing Dallas: BRUNCH Edition

Each week, this Virginian will try a new Dallasite activity and blog about the experience. Hey everyone and welcome to "Doing Dallas," a new, weekly post that features my thoughts and experiences on trying all things Dallas! This week, I decided to tackle the enigma that is Brunch. I’m not saying that I have never before eaten “brunch”—the combined breakfast/lunch meal with the cute celebrity couple name—because I have and I found it to be a swell experience. But I’m talking Brunch with a capital B—the sundresses, the #brunch Instas, the bottomless mimosas; the whole nine yards. That kind of Brunching is an exclusive club I had never visited, so Sunday morning I grabbed the bull by the horns (please note that appropriately Texan saying,) grabbed some friends, and headed to Uptown. Here’s what I learned:

The unhappy faces of my misled Brunchmates

1. Do Your Brunch Research

If you’re a Brunch novice like myself, don’t assume that you know how to navigate the murky waters of restaurant options; in trying to disguise your Brunch ignorance, you can easily lead yourself and others astray. Take, for example, my attempt to come off as a Brunch expert by suggesting we eat a restaurant I’d never been to but have driven past: Yolk. I mean, how Brunchy does that name sound?! After telling a white-lie by talking up the restaurant (“y’all, its so trendy and their omelets are to die for”) and paying for parking, we walked up to the door only to find out the restaurant hasn’t opened yet. Not “hasn’t opened” like we got their hours wrong, but “hasn’t opened” as in IT DOES NOT YET EXIST AS A RESTAURANT. Oops. #Awkward. After taking a picture of our fail—because Brunch in its entirety must be captured on camera—we headed off to another restaurant picked by someone other than myself.

Jenna Instagraming her healthy omelet. She even ordered the tomato-based, celery-containing Bloody Mary. She did Brunch right.

2. Know What to Order

Food is the glue that holds Brunch together and one wrong choice can send your whole morning of Brunch preparation down the tubes. Be smart and come prepared by knowing your Brunch terminology. Asking for “those eggs that are kind of runny but not raw but not solid” is a surefire way to tip off your angsty waiter that you’re a Brunch newbie. This fact will so appall him that he will proceed to forget about your table for the rest of your visit. He will also proceed to only get a 12 percent tip after doing so, but still, the situation could have been avoided had you mastered the Brunch vocabulary. Also, be cognizant of the fact that whatever you order will soon be on Instagram for all to see (refer to point three.) Accordingly, my choice of butter drenched French toast, sausage, and bacon next to my friend’s low-fat, low-carb egg-white vegetable omelet proved to be a bold choice.

My Instagram post. Aerial view? Check. Alcohol?  Check. Amazing hashtags? Indeed. And 39 likes…not too shabby.


3. Instagram

One thing I’ve learned from stalking my friends’ Brunch experiences is if you didn’t take a picture, it didn’t happen. Take as many photos of your food as possible from all angles—the artsier, the better. Pro tip: standing on your chair lands you a hipster aerial photo that will be coveted by all of your followers (see photo.) Use as many hashtags as possible—this will not be annoying but rather will show others how passionate you are about Brunching. If possible, make sure any alcohol you ordered is in the shot, too, so that everyone knows you’re a badass who drinks at 11 in the morning. Be sure to tag your location so all your followers know where to find you!

4. Topics of Conversation

Keep the conversation light—nothing too serious like politics or opinions about who should have won So You Think You Can Dance. After listening to conversations around us, we found three topics to be most prevalent: Betches, Booze, and Boys, or what I like to call the “Three B’s.” Try to insert into your conversation as many inspirational phrases as possible—“You must cultivate your own garden” and/or “You are NOT fat”—and you’re golden!

My experience was a positive one, and I am planning on becoming a monthly (possibly biweekly, if I’m feeling spontaneous and crazy) Bruncher. Cheers to the weekend and the phenomena that is Dallas Brunch!

Three satisfied Brunchers.

Chelsea Grogan is a Level 4 improv student at the DCH Training Center. She is obsessed with music of the 60s & 70s and her vices include vanilla lattes and Swedish Fish. You can check out more of Chelsea’s thoughts and ponderings HERE!

#Ashtag: Ashley Gets Her Head Out of the Sand

For those of you who struggle to keep up with everything that's happening in the world, you're not alone. Follow Ashley Bright's journey to become "hip" again.  I fear I am becoming an old fogey at too young of an age. I am not hip to the jive of today's popular culture, and I've been out of the loop for many years. I just recently saw a picture of this Drake guy people talk about, but I could not identify one of his songs. Someone else set up Instagram on my phone (although yes, I do now use it).

It's time for me to get my head out of the proverbial sand. Against my better judgment, I am going to learn about what's cool and trendy these days. It was actually a challenge for me to figure out how to find what is trending these days. But I did it. I watched this week's top videos, which included children reacting to Gameboy and an illustrated debunking of brain myths. I looked at Twitter's top hashtag, #cashnewvideo. And frankly, I'm not exactly sure what it is. It appears to be somehow related to two young gentleman who do vine and YouTube videos. My goal is to learn more about this hashtag business as I continue to do this weekly exploration.

I checked in on the top Google searches for today, as well as the top read Wikipedia articles. Sports. Sports are very in right now. I must admit that I have not watched one second of the World Cup. I fear that makes me a bad American. Worse, I think I'm a bad global citizen. I mean I've overheard many conversations about it. I've seen the Facebook posts about the games, the bars the games are being watched at, or the handsome fellas on the field, but I haven't watched any myself. I don't have cable television, which lends a bit of the hand towards my World Cup ignorance. Without a television, I have to seek out what I watch, and I have not sought out soccer.

The #1 google search today is Josh McRoberts. Sports, I tell ya. McRoberts has verbally committed to sign with the Heat. I like watching basketball, but reading about potential contract, dollar amounts, and whether his addition will sway LeBron made my eyes get sleepy. So, I have nothing more to say on the subject.

Apparently this Wimbledon thing is a big deal?

Did you know Wimbledon 2014 was going on? Me neither. Novak Djokovic won the title in an apparent mental victory over Roger Federer. The only thing this sparks in my brain is that once in a video of UCB's ASSSSCAT, someone made mention of a tiny Roger Federer, which is to say I know nothing.

Miley Cyrus is the #2 google search today. And this is how I learned that she is in a Flaming Lips video. With Moby. I watched this video, "Blonde SuperFreak Steals the Magic Brain," and I did not dig it. It's a reverb-laden acid trip, and if you know my musical tastes, you would know that reverb-laden does not deter me. But this doesn't have many other layers under the reverb except for some squeaky loops and such. I typed that I was a fan of the Flaming Lips, even their newer stuff like Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots. I went to confirm that I had the album title correct and saw that it came out in 2002. My idea of "newer stuff" goes back twelve years. Does everyone understand why I need to dip back into pop culture?

I'm ready to learn about what today's young whippersnappers are into. Meet me back here next week, and we'll discover some more. Or I will discover some more stuff that you already knew, and you can laugh at how out of touch I am.

Ashley Bright is graduate of the DCH Improv Training Program and a teacher's assistant. She is a level 2 sketch writing student and intern for the DCH Blog. Find all things Ashley HERE.