miley cyrus

Comedy Centerfold: Amanda Hahn

Welcome to Comedy Centerfold, where we feature a Dallas Comedy House performer and get to know him or her a little better by using questions that Playboy centerfolds are usually asked.  Amanda HahnI once met Amanda Hahn outside an fMRI machine. She was flipping a quarter and popping bubble gum. She was a real cool cat, and she was looking for a brain to scan. I told her I'd let her peep into my pyramidal cells in my prefrontal cortex to prove my processes were premier. But she had her eye on another, who came in at that moment. Taking off his glasses and loosening his Robert Talbott tie, he rested himself on the bed outside the machine. He told her to call him Tyrone today before catching her quarter mid flip. She pushed a button that moved him under the magnet, but not before telling him he's on notice to visit her at the Dallas Comedy House during one of her shows with Dairy Based, SpanishProv, Bunny Bunny, or the Halloween Sketch Show in October. He offered a thumbs up, and she popped her gum one last time.

Hometown? I grew up in Franklin, Tennessee. It’s a relatively small, old Civil War/farming town outside of Nashville where Miley Cyrus and Paramore are from.

Guilty Pleasures? Well, I spent about 15 minutes at work today watching R. Kelly’s commentary on R. Kelly’s classic hip-hopera, Trapped in the Closet. So stuff like that.

Ambitions? Be Stephen Colbert. Also, to perform at Second City while being a neuroscientist with adorable, well-behaved, funny kids.

Best Concert? This is so hard to pick. I’ll go with Florence and the Machine, because Florence Welch is so stunning. Her voice sounds even more powerful when you see it come out of her in person. And she was dressed in an all black, flowy, partly sheer dress that made her look like a dark angel. Plus she was funny and charming! I think I fell in love.

Favorite Book? The Secret Fruit of Peter Paddington by Brian Francis is the one I’ve re-read the most. It was recommended to me by a friend in high school, and no one else I know has read it. Go read it! It’s about an overweight, gay boy in middle school trying to hide his huge nipples. It’s very funny and has a slight Tina Fey feel to it.

Favorite Movie? I have to go with Little Miss Sunshine. I’ve never gotten tired of it despite how many times I’ve watched it, and I once watched it twice in a row in one night. I love how real it feels despite how coo-coo it is.

Favorite TV Show? I know this is everyone’s, but Arrested Development. It changed me. Watching it made me realize how great something is when you let yourself have fun when you write and perform, instead of trying too hard to make a “good” product. I love The Colbert Report for similar reasons.

Pets? Lucy. AKA: Lucy the Dog, Sweet Baby Lucy, Big Booty Baby, Little Boo Bunny, and Dog. She’s my first dog, and I couldn’t have picked a more strange one. She’s a shih tzu/terrier mix that looks like a grisly Ewok with a big butt. She sneezes on my face a lot, and when she flops over for belly rubs, she waves her front paws desperately up and down until I touch her. She’s perfect.

Foods I Crave? Spaghetti and meatballs is my No. 1. I’ve been trying to eat healthier, so I’m trying to convince myself to crave zucchini covered in tomato sauce instead. It’s not working.

People I Admire? My mom is probably No. 1 for being so patient, attentive, and insightful with me as a child. She took the time to understand how my mind, and my siblings’ minds, worked, and parented accordingly. I was stubborn, anxious, and hot-headed, and she gave me such a magnificent gift by teaching me to take control of my actions, regardless of my emotions. But she never made me feel bad for what I was feeling and was so loving, comforting, and understanding. She’s the reason that as an adult I have the emotional stability that I have. She’s an amazing woman. Also, Stephen Colbert. He’s so funny, nice, and smart, and I like that he’s open about being a Christian, but he’s never dogmatic. I want him to be a member of my family.

Dream Role? Something super-duper dramatic. I can’t think of a particular role right now, but something that involves dramatic speeches, crying, and yelling. Maybe a mom at the end of her rope. Or, or, or Heath Ledger’s Joker! Although that role literally killed him, so maybe I need to re-think this.

Favorite Song to Sing? "Rags to Riches" by Mr. Elvis Presley. I like it for the beginning when it goes, “You know I’d goooo…” and then pauses a sec, then goes “from RAAAAAGS toooo riiiichessss..” I’m not a good singer, so it’s just an excuse to yell alone in my car, really.

Good First Date Idea? Any date that allows you to talk and laugh with each other, but also has something to actively do in case the conversation lulls and you get nervous. Or just go on a first date with Tyler Simpson! It's a lot of fun and worked out great for me.

#Ashtag Week 6: I Still Know Nothing

This week I'm continuing my foray into the world of today's popular culture. MTV aired their annual video music awards, the VMAs, over the weekend. I do not have cable, so I didn't watch them. Even in my teen years (my peak submersion into pop culture) I rarely watched the VMAs. Although, I did always tune in for the MTV Movie Awards. Who new MoonMans were still a thing?

I probably should have invaded the home of one of my cable-having friends so that I could have watched the awards show and did this piece some justice. Instead, we'll let the Internet fill me in on what happened. As it stands, most of the top searches relate to the VMAs. Blue Ivy, the toddler daughter of Jay-Z and Beyonce, apparently stole the show. Katy Perry tweeted, “OMG BLUE IVY JUST PERSONALLY WAVED AT ME. MY LIFE IS OVER.” The three-piece family hugged and smooched on stage. The audience cooed.

Miley Cyrus won for "Wrecking Ball" and sent a homeless teenager up to accept on her behalf in an effort to raise awareness of youth homelessness, a la Marlon Brando sending the Apache woman up to accept his Oscar for the Godfather. By the by, I'm part Apache and the lady that accepted for Brando kind of looked like my mom in her youth. I just like telling people that I'm part Apache. It makes me feel cool. Alright, I'm moving on. Geronimo.

In reading up on the VMAs, I came across several names that I was not familiar with like Ed Sheeran, Ariana Grande, and Jessie J. I watched their videos and it turns out that I had heard the songs before. My next sentence is going to get me some dirty looks from folks, but it's the truth. When I had heard the Ed Sheeran song in passing, I thought it was a Justin Timberlake song. My bad.

The number of presenters and performers' names that I had never heard of outnumbered the names that I did recognize. There's a girl band out there named Fifth Harmony winning awards. Who knew? I made it 40 seconds through their video, "BO$$," before I turned it off. The lyrics "Michelle Obama, purse so heavy" were on a screechy repeat. I can only take so much, folks.

I do know of Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift, who were both heavily featured on the show. I read a recap describing Minaj's wardrobe malfunction as "dangerously close to revealing her upper and lower front." I'm not exactly sure why the term, "upper and lower front" made me giggle, but it did. Neither front was exposed because Nicki Minaj held her dress closed, while she sang... Rapped? I don't know.

This is actually way more clothing than we've come to expect from MTV. It's like they are Amish or something.

I haven't been able to find an actual video of it, but the reviews of Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels' appearance all say it was incredibly awkward. The two were there to promote the upcoming sequel, "Dumb and Dumber To." Carrey fell off the stage doing a dance cracking a joke involving ebola. I hope we've all learned what happens when you make fun of ebola. You fall down. Post hoc ergo propter hoc.

I've spent this entire week's #Ashtag recapping the VMAs, and I'm okay with it. In looking at pictures of the red carpet, presenters, and performers, I learned that I still know very close to nothing about today's youth and what they're digging. Honestly, there are entire television shows, music genres, and celebrities that I have absolutely never heard of. So, let's meet back here next week, so I can keep getting a little less ignorant. Or a little more, depending on your perspective.

As a special note because I know you care: I made it to the A-list and I bought that house in Miami I had my eye on. #kardashian:hollywood

Ashley Bright is a graduate of the Improv Training Program at DCH and a level 3 sketch writing student. She performs every weekend at DCH.