one direction

#Ashtag Week 13: Into the Woods with a Full Moon and Some Lace

I bet this lady is celebrating a 13th anniversary. Thirteen. Spooky. According to Hallmark's website, the traditional gift for a 13th anniversary is lace. Sexy. Also according to Hallmark, the modern gift for a 13th anniversary is "textile furs." I put "textile furs" in quotations, because it was a question-inducing pair of words to me. I searched this phrase on Google to find out more. Immediately, 13th anniversaries popped up on the top results, even though I didn't include anniversary in my "textile fur" search. Most of the results did include the backslash; "textile/fur" which makes more sense to me.

I found myself on http://www.anniversarygift.org/thirteenth-anniversary-gifts/. Instead of me sharing all of the knowledge that I gained on this site, I really would like to encourage you to read "the celebration" suggestions at the bottom of the page. Suffice it to say, to celebrate our 13th week together, we're gonna need a lot of lace, some fake fur, Frank Lloyd Wright's Hollyhock house, and a full moon.

OK. Everybody take a deep breath. We got a little bit too caught up in the whirlwind of textile fur. Let's focus. The Internet has been churning all week, and we need to learn what floated to the top (there are inaccuracies in this dairy analogy). Sports have littered the top searches on Google. No thank you. Ebola. We know. Again, no thank you.

Taylor Swift's new single "Out of the Woods" is a top search because the song is about her ex-boyfriend Harry Styles. A reluctant yes please. This is the kind of juice we need to learn about. The song very quickly popped to No. 1 on iTunes, but Harry refuses to react to it. Harry Styles is a member of One Direction. Ke$ha has made some very serious accusations about her producer that I don't want to make light of here. But good for her for getting help. Zach Galifinakis has lost a lot of weight. Penelope Cruz is Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive.

I'd like to register for this as my gift this week.

Well, alright, I just burned through the top Google searches pretty quickly. Let's keep truckin'. One of the top hashtags on Twitter this week is #PSAT. This hashtag is literally about the pre-SATs and teenagers' concerns about taking them. There are a lot of pics with sad faces and actually a few with kids burning their study guides. There are a few older people sprinkling in about how the PSATs are nothing compared to the SATs. My favorite tweet of the #PSAT persuasion is from a kid who basically tells everyone to get serious, because there are a lot of scholarship opportunities available if you score high on the PSATs. I hope those darn kids using the hashtag to look for funny pictures heed his advice.

One of the most viewed videos on YouTube this week, with nearly six million views, is the trailer for Tomorrowland. A movie based on the futuristic area of Disney theme parks. Pirates of the Caribbean was a movie based on a ride, and it did pretty well. The trailer for Tomorrowland looks pretty neat, and George Clooney is in it. It comes out on my mom's birthday, May 22. Jot that down and maybe send her a card or a picture of George Clooney. She'd like that.

I do have some pretty big news. I was recently given a bodyguard and a personal assistant in the Kardashian game. In real life (or IRL, as the kiddos would type it), I've been caught playing this game a few times by friends. And they have all given me some sort of grief about it. I would like to say that I've never picked the game over listening to someone. I don't play while I drive, unless I'm at a stoplight and I have full energy that needs to be used. I play this game for you guys. You come back every week waiting for an update. I do it for you. #imgoingthedistancebcusnobodyknowshowthiswillendandimayplayforever

Ashley Bright is a writer/performer at Dallas Comedy House. She’s a graduate of the DCH Improv Training Program and is currently a level 3 sketch writing student. You can see her perform every weekend at Dallas Comedy House.

#Ashtag Week 5: Science and Simplicity

By Ashley Bright Welcome back to another week of #Ashtag, where I educate myself of all things trending online. This week, the Internet has been filled with some serious matters and actual news events. Let's not worry about such things here.

Not when there's a video titled "Tortoise vs Truck" topping the YouTube searches. This video contains 34 seconds of a small tortoise chasing a remote controlled truck. The little tortoise appears to be giving it its all in the chase; it really wants that truck. Sometimes life is just that simple. The tortoise just wants to catch the truck.

Another top video this week is titled "Jellyfish Stinging In MICROSCOPIC SLOW MOTION - Smarter Every Day 120." I'm leaving the capitalized words in the title because I am a purist. This video is not as simple as the tortoise vid because it contains words like, "nematocyst." I've never been stung by a jellyfish, but this video did interest me. Maybe the replica of a jellyfish made from a balloon did it for me. Or maybe it's because I feel relatively certain that I have the luck to get stung by a jellyfish, and that's it's just my lack of time in the sea that has kept it from happening so far. The video ends with a call-to-action from James Cook University looking for undergrad and grad students interested in helping to solve the mystery of the box jelly's cardiotoxin venom. Maybe some of the many scientists at DCH will heed that call? Actually, no, please don't move to Australia. I love you guys.

The number one video on YouTube this week is titled, "It's a Shoo-In for Bright Dike." I don't like this title. Mostly because my last name is Bright. But also because the title is wasted opportunity for a pun. The video contains a soccer player kicking his shoe off and into the goal instead of kicking the ball into the goal. Shoe-in, folks, not shoo-in. Also, sports. (This is where I blow a raspberry sound for my own amusement.)

The #ALSIcebucketchallenge has also ruled the Internet this week. I was aware of this because of Facebook. The challenge consists of celebrities dumping water on their head and challenging other celebs and rich folks to do the same in an effort to raise awareness for amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease. And now you and I both know what ALS stands for. If you knew before this, well good for you. Again, please don't move to Australia.

Compared to all those "prison challenges" she once faced, this Ice Bucket Challenge is probably a breeze for Lady Martha.

Another top hashtag this week is #vote5sos. This is related to the MTV's Hottest that I wrote about last week. Last week, One Direction was topping the list. I knew that One Direction was a musical group. I had even discovered last week that I have heard some of One Direction's music. Until I saw #vote5sos and Googled its definition, I had never heard of 5sos. It's short for the boy band, 5 Seconds of Summer. Again, never heard of them. Based on the photos on their website, they are four teen boys with fairly emo haircuts who are big fans of doing the duck face. According to Wikipedia, they are Australian teens who gained popularity by covering songs and posting the videos to YouTube. They hit it big when One Direction invited them to join their tour. One Direction. Australia. Everything is related. Time is a flat circle.

Speaking of flat circles, I have yet to gain more than 10 K-stars in the Kardashian game. But I did make it to the B-list and I am quickly approaching the A-list. Color yourselves impressed, folks.

Ashley Bright is a graduate of the DCH improv training program and a level 2 sketch writing student. She's also an intern for the DCH blog. You can see Ashley and the rest of her sketch writing class perform their sketch show this Thursday at 8PM at DCH.