The DCH Diaries: Charactaurs Among Us

Charactaurs Who knew dinosaurs play mating, er..improv games?

A recent sighting in a remote area of North America known as Deepest Ellum, Texas, has scientists buzzing with excitement. Explorers believe they have spotted a pack of modern-day, living dinosaurs. The pack, or herd, included approximately 14 individuals, males and females of various species, led by an alpha male, believed to be of the species, improvisaurus instructus.

Until recently, many paleontologists were convinced that dinosaurs did not live among us and that they became extinct approximately 65 - 70 million years ago. It is posited that an event, possibly a meteor, caused their mass extinction, along with about three quarters of the rest of earth’s plant and animal life.

Other researchers have questioned that theory, citing evidence that dinosaurs, which had resolutely ruled the earth for 165 million years before the meteor allegedly struck the Yucatan, survive to this day. These so-called cryptozoologists cite to what they claim is irrefutable evidence that sauropods and theropods do or have recently co-existed on the earth with humankind. They point to famous photos of Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster*, various depictions of Godzilla, the Flintstones, and the wealth of data discovered and explored by the experts at the Creation Evidence Museum and other such hallowed establishments.**

Perhaps the best evidence yet for the survival of the dinosaur family of genomes surfaced just weeks ago in the form of a photograph taken by an as yet unidentified explorer. The photo, said to have been snapped near the end of an extraordinary gathering of what looks to be representatives of many species of dinosaur, would suggest that dinosauric life is not only present on earth today but has taken on a measure of organization not seen in ancient collections of the fossil record, like those of the famous Tar Pits of La Brea or the many recreations depicted in the Smithsonian Institution Natural History Museum.

In fact, this brave explorer reports that these dinosaurs almost seemed to be performing for each other. Much of the time they appeared to take turns interacting in twos and threes, while the rest of the pack patiently waited for their own opportunities. At other times, they performed alone or in larger groups.

In the explorer’s words, “Yeah, it was friggin’ breathtaking. I’m convinced I witnessed some kind of mass mating ritual. The alpha male, who mostly stood to the side, barked orders at the pack. The resulting behavior was virtually identical to that exhibited by male ducks: strutting, furious wing flapping, ruffling of feathers, bellowing, all for the amusement of their potential female partners. That makes sense when you consider that birds are actually modern-day dinosaurs.” Truer words were never spoken.

Unfortunately, the explorer was unable to get more extensive video evidence, but the photos she brought back seem irrefutable. Judge for yourself. In fact, rumor has it that another expedition into the wilds of Deepest Ellum is scheduled for Saturday, August 29, 2015. Professional credentials are not necessary to participate in this trip, and in fact, the adventure can be had for the amazing cost of just $20. Spaces are going fast, and you must register soon. Go to DallasComedyHouse.com, click Classes, then Register. You will find the expedition listed under Charactaurs.

Happy hunting!***

*Footnote 1: It is a little known fact that Nessie actually resides near the Glen Rowan Guest House, West Lewiston, Scotland. See photo here.

**Footnote 2: Many of these same cryptozoologists are quick to discount such pseudo-science as Will Ferrell’s remake of the iconic Land of the Lost, finding them little more than opportunistic attempts to capitalize on a hungry public’s insatiable desire for sensationalism in journalism. They also almost universally decry the 24-hour news cycle and liberal media. But I digress.

***Footnote 3: Please note that this is a photo-only safari. Trophies will not be taken, and absolutely no weapons will be allowed, even if you are willing to give up $55,000 and your Minnesota dental practice for the privilege.

Carron Armstrong is a Level 4 student in the Dallas Comedy House Training Center, where her husband, Gary, is in Level 2 and her daughter, Haley, is in Level 1. She is pleased that they form DCH’s first improv family dynasty (as far as she knows). Their legacy will be a new house format called the Armstrong.