So I book an Uber to get me downtown to Tacolandia. It arrives. It’s a red-and-white checkered paper tray. You would recognize it from a concession stand or from ordering tacos at an East Dallas Taco shack. I hop in the back, and my driver is a smothered burrito. The drive is messy, but he gets me safely downtown. Downtown Dallas is transformed into a Taco Mecca. I step out of the paper taco tray and onto streets made of crispy taco shell. The trees and shrubs are gigantic cilantro bundles and heads of fresh lettuce. There’s a fountain spraying taco sauce 20 feet in the air.
I look around in wonderment, taking in all the sights. The clouds above are smooth, pillowy scoops of sour cream floating in a sea of blue corn chip crumbs. To my amazement and delight, they begin to drizzle warm queso down upon Tacolandia. Everyone has their heads tilted back and their tongues pointed to the sky.
The park benches are giant wedges of lime, and the buildings are giant taco salad shells towering into the sky. The gardens are peppered with chopped habanero, jalapeno, and cilantro. The air smells of crisping tortillas and cumin. There are tomato cannons shooting tomatoes in a 21-tomato salute to tacos.
The Flaming Lips are playing a stage made of ground beef, and all of their instruments are taco related. There’s a mean flauta solo popping as the avocados in the mosh pit begin making stage-side guacamole. Heads of garlic are spraying garlic salt into the crowd.
Then everything goes red.
When I wake up, I’m in jail. Apparently I went mad. I destroyed downtown. I consumed the crowds. I left a devastating crater of salsa stained carnage in my wake. I lie back on my cot and smile. I have no regrets.
#tacos #tacolandia #Dallas #Tommystacothursdays #VIP
Tommy Lee Brown teaches and performs at Dallas Comedy House. He is your man on the street, determined to eat. He is the belly of the city. No taco is too small or too commercial. He will eat it all, and tell you all about it. Direct taco related questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.