Ordering from the stressed-out Hooters waitress five minutes before close.
Being handed the mic at your ex-boyfriend’s screamo concert.
Raiding your evil mother-in-law’s closet. Call this character work. Maroon lipstick goes great with a black-and-callous soul.
Cooking for couples “allergic” to gluten.
Every time you’re under anesthesia, be sure to bring the mother-in-law.
At 4 p.m. on a Friday at the DPS.
Asked if there’s a doctor on the plane.
Consequently, when diagnosing the patient with a new and rare disease.
Then, when a real doctor comes along, proclaiming that somehow the turbulence made you guys switch bodies. WHOAH! Freaky Flight-day!!
You’re a mechanic listing every part you learned in “car school” as being an immediate life-threatening hazard despite it being a routine oil change and you just witnessing the romper fashionista of a customer shove an indecent amount of granola bars and free waters into a suitcase so you now they AIN’T. GON. FIX. NU-TING.
Bringing a suitcase to an oil change because you ran out of groceries.
Your improv troupe asks your vocation, and you throw your cloak over your face and slink away to the cubbies.
Editing a best friend’s interaction with a hot guy at a bar.
Tapping your friend out of their own wedding with said hot guy.
Giving side support to their first kiss as a married couple despite all your advances.
Bitterly reserving a “table for one” on any day that people misconstrue to be related to the pairing of people in the context of something that should be celebrated. This situation is ideal for musical improv, see Celine Dion’s “All By Myself” and give them a show they’ll never forget.
Announcing your troupes’ name (ALL of them) when entering your local Taco Bell, thrift store, or Dollar General, because improv pays.
Taking the stand: Your 10-minute, one-man show should begin with, “Yeah, I did it.”
Picking your life mate at a Blink 182 Concert. On second thought, this scene was better without you. Go ahead and make that a quick walk on/off. Just make sure you take the rug from underneath the scene players and label it something lame…like a Blink 182 Concert.
Meili Chao is an improviser, stand-up comedian, and musician who lives in Denton with her cat, Miles Voldemort. She spends her spare time wearing off-the-shoulder tops in coffee shops "waiting to be discovered."